I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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