where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
