He uses pillows to masturbate.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
