Heybabeimwearingurpanties
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
