yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
