i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
