you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
