did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
