if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
