It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
