Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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