eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
