im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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