You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
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