She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
