Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
3 2 1 whiskey
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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