I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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