More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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