In the future we'll all be gay
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
