Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I love you. Go after that dick
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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