I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
