they need to just BURY HIM!
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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