Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
