Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
