Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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