Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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