i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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