someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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