If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
