It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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