i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
