I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Can I color on your dick again?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
