come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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