Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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