you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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