we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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