Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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