Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
