I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
