Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I can't turn off my feet"
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
