what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
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ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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