I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
