i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
someone owes me an orgasm
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
