my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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