made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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