Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
