Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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