I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
