It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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