I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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