my text book just quoted the cookie monster
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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