oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
