ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
