I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
