Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
