hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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