I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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