Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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