there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
