As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
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We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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