the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
