uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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