It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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