If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
