that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
