I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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