all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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