I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
