the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
So much rum. So many feels.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
