Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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