He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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