Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
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