Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
