Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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