It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
